Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Pure Joy

I have been asked to speak at the Girls' Get Away Weekend being held by Sunbreak, our sponsoring church. I am excited. I am scared to death. I am overwhelmed. I am nervous. I am so inadequate. I so need you to pray for me!!!! Because I realize that it can't be about me or my abilities anyway. I won't matter how prepared I am, how well dressed I am, how witty I am, how well spoken I am if it isn't all about Jesus and if it isn't all about Him doing His work through me. So, that is what I'm praying and what I ask that you would pray with me, that I will take myself out of the equation and just focus on Him and what He wants to say to the hearts of the ladies attending this Get Away Weekend. I am praying that I will have an open heart and an open mind so that the Holy Spirit can speak to me and teach me what it is that He longs to teach them. And then that I will be able to share that with clarity and authenticity.

The Theme: Pure Joy
The Date: March 12-13
(I get to speak twice...so double up those prayers)
The Desire of my heart:
To be used by my heavenly Father in a way that blesses the hearts and lives of every lady who attends the Get Away and imparts to them what Pure Joy is really all about. And what it's not about.

Because I think everyday I get a lesson in what it is not about.

Yesterday's breakdown came while I was returning Kyle's phone call, for the second time, because the first return was interrupted as an item rang up wrong in the checkout line at Wal-Mart and we had to do a price check. I so know that the people in line behind me were very happy about that. And I get so antsy when I know people are perturb and it is my fault because I'm holding them up. I am such a people pleaser...to a fault no doubt.
So, we finish our checkout and I call Kyle back and just as we are about to turn to head out the exit I look up and see a 25 foot trail of goldfish that we are leaving in our wake. Yep, Kade was dumping goldfish out of the buggy. Whether intentional or accidental, I do not know. But it was the end of the rope for me. I tried to choke back the tears and told Kyle I would call him back again when I could. I bent over and started cleaning up goldfish.
You see that goldfish mess was really not a big deal....it's just that it came on the heals of being run out of the bathroom at the back of the store because I entered with unpaid items in the buggy so that my 3 year old didn't wet his pants. I mean, what are you supposed to do when the three year old HAS to go and the one year old can't just wait for you alone sitting in the buggy outside the bathroom watching out for those unpaid items. Should I take him in and let him explore the floor of the public restroom while I help the big brother go potty? Absolutely not! So, here is what you do...you unpack all of those unpaid items and stack them on the floor outside the bathroom and push that buggy right on in so that the 1 year old is safe and secure while the 3 year old potties. I do understand that rules are rules and that really isn't a big deal....
It's just that it came on the heals of having to leave Ryne partly fastened in his carseat while I chased Kade down in a busy parking lot as he ran around the front of the car instead of standing still beside me on the white line like I had asked him to. Thankfully they were both safe. Ryne didn't fall out of his carseat while I secured Kade, and Kade didn't even almost get hit by a car. It wasn't that big of a deal...
It's just that it came on the heals of both boys pulling clothes off of hanger after hanger after hanger as I searched for a birthday present for my sweet SIL. So I hung the clothes back up....no big deal, right? Well, that came on the heals of having to scold Kade for continually hitting Ryne in the head. And that followed up having to replace numerous Valentine's day cards to their rightful slots as both boys kept "trying to pick just the right card for every single person in the world"! And all of that happened while Ryne was having to miss his morning nap in order for us to run errands and be back in time for lunch. And maybe, just maybe, everyone was being so bad because they could smell me and my stinkyness that was evidence of my trip to the gym. And evidence of the sacrifice of shower time for the same reason that Ryne was missing his nap time.
Even if it can all be blamed on my stink I had to say that it just wasn't an easy morning. I finally got the boys loaded up from Wal Mart and called Kyle back crying. (Poor Kyle, he has to deal with me everyday). All of my "not a big deal"s had ended up being too much for me to handle without a breakdown.
Where was the joy in all that, I asked?
And I heard God say to my heart, "where was I in all that?"
See I'm still searching for the right answer to that question. I am still trying to figure out how to make sure He fits into those trips to the Dollar Tree and Marshall's and Wal Mart. What I know for sure is that He does fit!!! He fits everywhere....and I have to clear out the room for Him to accompany me....I have to change my perspective.....I have to allow His presence to be my joy regardless of how "happy" my situations may or may not make me.
So, I'm learning. And I've got a long way to go. But I have a feeling that God is going to keep on teaching me every single day. My job is to remain teachable.
Here's to learning what I need to learn so I can share with others what it means to have
May you each experience the fullness of joy that comes from being in the presence of God today.

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